I’m the sort of person who won’t take something lying down if it’s not true. If it were almost or wholly true, I’d let it pass. But if I saw no justification to that, you may never hear the last of, or from, me. I’m not one to do something slipshod, because I pride myself in what’s shown in my work; the results, the outcome, the produce. Yet the same cannot be said of the entire population, and I’ve come to realise that in a rather different manner than I had expected.
Anxiety, a noun, defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome; a desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease; and, a nervous disorder characterised by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behaviour or panick attacks.
I saw a doctor yesterday about my breathing difficulties. I am not asthmatic, nor did I believe it had to do with the haze. She asked about my day-to-day life, and she attributed the tightness and pains in the chest to anxiety and panick attacks, caused by undue stress. She asked if anything, or anyone, upset me. Nope, I couldn’t think of something to pin-point that really irked me. Yes, perhaps there were a few things, a couple of reasons, but those will always be. I work well under pressure, it’s a fact. But it seems as though that durability is slowly depleting.
There’s more to life than petty arguements, politicking, incompetent subordinates and the likes of the corporate jungle. I am one who never lets things go simply, even if it’s as simple as meeting deadlines, because it’s a professional environment where we’re all paid to do our jobs. Whether or not we like it, it’s a job, our salaries credited at the end of the month to our accounts where a portion goes into clearing bills, buying that new Prada, paying for the next air ticket, whatever – fact is, we’re paid to do it, so do it, and shut up.
Work is work. Business is business. Draw a line. How many can say they’ve cleary done that? I too, am trying, still learning to distance myself from the day-to-day endless lists of to-dos.
I love how I’ve got a particular name on my CV. Though bad memories there were, great ones still last in my mind and they probably will remain. Those were the days you were never wrong, you were absorbing like a sponge, you were learning the ropes as much as you could and responsibilities were slowly given and tasked to you. That was when Super Steph was born; an endearing moniker given to me by my superiors, which was slowly made known to the five agencies. SS, they’d call me. Super Steph, signs off. I loved how things were absolutely different there, though it probably wasn’t and won’t be my ideal environment. It was a good learning platform. And fitting in totally, that I know as well, when I decided I’d move and join someone else.
I have the passion burning inside that’s dying to overflow. Now, would they listen? Doubt it. Would they see it? Perhaps. Would they like it? Guess not.
I am distancing myself for now, until I can be Super Steph again. I miss being Super Steph. But Super Steph shall reman dormant until the time is ripe once more, when I find myself in that awesome-fantastic-brilliant-illustrious office.
Footnote: Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it. -Mark Twain
